Living Life like a Seesaw
“Do not nest in any experience or state.” Zen Proverb
We all tend to nest in particular experiences at particular times. We are more likely to do so when we feel comfortable. We want our blissful experience to last forever. However, attaching to something specific is what causes suffering. When the bliss fades and something changes, we often long for what we had instead of acknowledging what we have or are experiencing presently. This creates conflict or the feeling that something is wrong with what’s going on now because it’s different than the past blissful state. Our thoughts about the past influence what we experience in the present moment.
In my last relationship, we were blissfully happy in the beginning. Several years later our happiness together had peaked and began to decline. We tried for years to get the happiness we had back again, but never could. We both experienced spiritual growth during our relationship. Perhaps, we were meant to help each other heal in a number of ways and support each other in this process. Eventually, our relationship turned into friendship and would never be romantic again. Instead of bringing out the best in each other, we began having the opposite effect on one another. Staying together at this point led to stagnation and it took us some time to realize we needed to move on. Finally, a few years back I decided to end the relationship.
Since that time I’ve had a whole new set of experiences that have pushed me to grow in new and unexpected ways. I’m happier and more in touch with who I am. I also started a new relationship that aligns with who I am and what I want to experience. We bring out the best in each other which is something I look for in relationships. When we stopped doing this in my previous relationship, that’s how I knew it was time to end it.
Recently, I realized I married my mom in a way. My mom had a traumatic childhood and was very reserved and shut down when she felt any negative emotions. She didn’t share them with me. Over a year after ending my relationship, I realized the person I had been dating was like a robot emotionally too, similar to my mom. These experiences both taught me more about emotions and the importance of expressing them to support overall wellbeing.
Our souls came here to grow. We chose to come and have a physical experience to help us expand our consciousness. By something continuing blissfully without change is actually the antithesis to our soul mission. Think of it like a seesaw. It would be boring without change and momentum to drive it up and down. A perpetual state of balance on a seesaw would be pointless just as a perpetual state of bliss would be. Finding the bliss among chaos, that’s the real challenge, and one many of us create daily. Even thinking a blissful thought in the middle of chaos can be a challenge for some of us. That may seem small, but in reality, it’s a sign of growth. Acknowledge these small things. When you focus on what you want and see every act in the universe as something that supports you in getting what you want, your life will transform.